I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
