i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
