I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
