last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
