Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
