he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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