i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
