My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
