tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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