He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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