I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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