i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
