Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
