Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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