Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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