Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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