WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
