I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and she was petting her beer can
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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