And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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