Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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