All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
