I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
