he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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