So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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