You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't deserve a penis
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
