We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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