Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
