So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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