i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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