I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
