Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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