Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize