wanna go halves on a baby?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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