dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize