Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
