I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
