Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
