people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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