Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
