Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
