i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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