if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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