I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize