my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
