the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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