Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
