BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
