I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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