If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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