At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
