he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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