it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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