It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
