1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
