The maid of honor just puked.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it glows. i had to have it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
