can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
