the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
