Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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