Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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