he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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