five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
