I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
