so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
