take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize