And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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