if i can run in heels then i can drive
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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