What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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