he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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