I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
