So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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