If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
