Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
