Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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