Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
