Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
