ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize