I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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